Saturday, February 5, 2011

Look for the joy, it is still out there!

Last night my youngest son, Jake and I went to a concert. This was his first one ever and it was his very favorite artist! He was so excited to go, he could barely contain himself. Just looking at him you could see that he was bouncing inside with excitement!! I was excited too because it was a positive event that we could share together-mother and son- and I was hoping it was one he would never forget.

I am positive he will never forget it...

We ran into some friends while waiting for the concert to start. The woman is a journalist for a Christian periodical and had back stage passes to meet the artists. Unfortunately her son was not able to attend the concert so she had one extra pass--hmmmmmm, who may you ask got the opportunity of a lifetime on his very first concert? You guessed it!!

Jake got to go back and meet the artist, he had his picture taken with him. Jake was so stunned by the whole thing that he couldn't even talk to the gentlemen. He was so excited he could barely say a word. When he got back to our seats he was showing me the pictures and he was crying. I asked him why and he said it was because he was so happy. (When you are a 13 year old boy tears can come out at odd times). I was so glad for him, I didn't expect him to get that excited, he is kind of a reserved kid and doesn't show his emotions on his sleeve too often.

After the amazing concert we went out for a late dinner--gotta have lots of food when you are a 13 year old boy. Anyway as we were discussing the concert and Jake said "That's the most fun I've had since DJ died."

Okay folks, it has been over 4 years and I thought that Jake had many chances for cool things to come his way over this time. My husband and I have tried to make as many opportunities for him and his sister to find joy and fun since DJ passed away.

What surprised me the most about his words was that he is telling time by DJ's death and that he hasn't seemed to find much joy along the last four years. I know it is so hard to see any joy at all but I was hoping Jake had seen more than I had. I was so thankful for the chance he had but at the same time it made me sad to think he has been so broken too. DJ's death will forever shadow our lives. We will be telling time by his death--before DJ passed away, after DJ passed away. We will have experiences that DJ should have been a part of and will always feel that void. We will never be the same. For all the joy Jake had last night, for all the excitement and fun he was still shadowed by his brother's death. It's like a cloak our entire family wears, some days it is heavy and other days it is light but it never, ever comes off.

My challenge to you all today is to look for the opportunities to find joy and fun again. For some of you it has been only weeks, months since your child passed away and you don't think you will ever find joy again--it will come and it will seep in slowly. For others of us it has been years and just when we think the cloak is a little lighter and joy is showing itself something comes along the way and makes things heavier. LOOK FOR THE JOY, it is still out there! For that matter don't just look for it hunt it down and capture it. Joy doesn't come easily to any of us anymore so it is something we must make a genuine effort to grab onto and hold tight-even if it is for just a few fleeting moments. Hold onto it like a little kids holds on to a candy bar--tightly, let it melt all over your body and soul and feel the joy in your heart. Jake got to hold onto joy last night and my guess is that it will still me melting all over him when he gets up today. For this I am thankful.

1 comment:

  1. My grandson was almost 3 when my daughter died 17 months ago. My "son-in-law" remarried within three months of her death.
    Fortunately, due to a military obligation, our grandson is staying with the other g-parents in the area and we've spent a bit of time with him, too. It's glorious, but bitter sweet since he really doesn't remember his mother (understandably) and talks of another using that term.
    Our grandson loves the videos of he and his mother giggling, playing, loving… life the way we thought it should have been forever, but wasn't.
    It's a joy visiting with him that is shadowed by her death and we grieve her and the death of their future together, and memories that death and time has stolen.