Tuesday, February 1, 2011


Years and years ago I remember hearing the story of Job. He lost his children, his livestock, his health, etc but continued to have faith in God. I never could understand that his wife would curse God after it and wanted Job to do it too. I always judged her, thinking that she was unequally yolked with Job. That she certainly must not have the same faith in God that he did. I was so very unfair to this poor woman. You see, in biblical times cursing God was like asking to die. People thought if they cursed Him he would kill them on the spot. I so understand why she did it now that I have lost DJ but before I judged her terribly. I figure someday in heaven I will get to apologize to this woman and ask for forgiveness because I was stupid and judgemental. What people don't realize though is how easily stupid we all are and how overly judgemental everyone is. Until you have walked a mile in my moccasins or anyone else's how can we possible know anything? Until you have lost a child or for that matter until you have (fill in the blank here) then you, I, have no right to judge anyone; but we all do.

Here are some examples of judging that perhaps you haven't even realized you are doing...

I can't believe---

they never leave their house
they never stay home anymore
they are going to a party
they aren't the same people they used to be
they won't come to family functions anymore
they want all the family functions at their house now
they are drinking too much
they won't come out with us and drink and have a good time anymore
they sleep all the time
they have insomnia so bad
they seldom go to church anymore
they have become so "religious"
they cleaned out their child's room so fast
they haven't touched their child's room in over (X) years
they just can't pretend to be happy
they are sad all the time
they can't just get on with their lives
they don't just have more children
they allow their children to (fill in blank)
they are so overprotective with their remaining children
they are selling their house and the memories of their child with it
they aren't selling their house and the memories in it
they are so angry all the time
they are actually laughing
they keep wanting to talk about their child all the time
they don't want to go to work anymore
they don't want to do anything anymore
they seem to have forgotten their other children are living
they ignore their spouse
they have let themselves go
they have lost or gained so much weight
they are spending so much money are their child's headstone
they haven't put up a headstone yet

they have done this or not done that

For every judgment or passing thought there is an opposite one as well. That is why we should all (including myself) keep judgements to ourselves.

This list could go on and on and I am writing it to let you all know that judgement comes easy. We don't realize we are doing it but it happens quickly and can often do horrible irreversible damage. Be there for your friends and family members. Be there to listen to them, to walk with them but don't judge them. There but by the grace of God go you and trust me this is not a walk you want.

1 comment:

  1. Oh...Amen! and amen again...so (sadly) true. Thank you for your words...for some of us,it is difficult to even attempt putting words together to express a glimpse of this journey. A journey none of us want to be on; A journey we wish no one else would join... A journey in which I am grateful for God's grace to increase my faith and give me His strength. My heart is broken, shattered as long as I have breath on this earth...EVEN with my full trust in God; EVEN with my surviving child by my side (thank you Lord for her) No matter what others do or don't do ~ we bereaved parents must be gentle with ourselves...judgements are so distructive.