Tuesday, December 11, 2012


     Well I guess when it rains it pours and today it is pouring.  I had to take in our german shorthair dog, Hershey to the vet today.  She is the last living connection to DJ.  She was his dog.  I have memories of him with her when he was living and I have memories of her looking for him after he passed away.  I didn't know that dogs grieved, that pets grieved but I certainly learned that they do after DJ passed away.  For weeks after his death she would push DJ's door open to his room and go lay on his bed. 
     Hershey either has a terrible infection or cancer.  They are running tests on her and she will be at the vet overnight.  I am not ready to lose her yet.  I don't want her to be in pain and I would not be selfish enough to keep her alive just for me but I am not ready to lose that connection yet. 
     I have memories of DJ walking her with my husband, I have memories of her leaving a dead half of a rabbit by his bed as a gift and him screaming at the top of his lungs for me to remove it.  She created memories with him and she has kept a lot of that alive.  I don't have the same kind of memories when I see his bike and certainly not his skateboard stuff.  She is a living memory of DJ and it becomes another loss.  I further loss that is attached to DJ. 
     There is so much fall out after a child dies and so much further loss--loss that can happen years later-6 years later for us with Hershey.  I am hoping she will be fine but eventually it will happen and eventually it will trigger grief.  Grief beyond the loss of her, grief attached to DJ.
     I don't think people who have not lost a child understand how important the child's pet is to us.  I know people who had their child's dog attend the funeral.  There are families that have buried their child's dog alongside of their child's grave.  I know people who had to take in their adult child's dogs. 
     I have no challenge today except that if you are not a bereaved parent you have some understanding for those of us that may act strange at times, or atleast act in a way YOU may think is strange.  Lisa


Monday, December 10, 2012

What do you believe in???

     Let me start by apologizing for not blogging for a long time-my life has been hectic and crazy and it just hasn't been on my radar for awhile.  Also, when I blog I try to post them to websites and facebook pages of bereaved parents to help them but I tend to read and read those sites and it can put me in a hole after a day of posting! Today though it jumped on my radar screen...

     Today I was looking at my Christmas tree-which by the way is very, very pink-a complete different tradition for our family since DJ passed away--which is in another blog from the past somewhere in my list of posted blogs-Anyway-- I was looking at our Christmas tree and under it I put a book titled "The First Christmas."  The book is the story of Christ's birth.  I looked at it and paused for just a second and thought to myself "Do I really believe that?"  Life is really tough right now as it is for many of you-finances are a struggle, businesses are down, grief is always somewhere on the threshold of my familie's life and today I challenged myself to see if I still truly believed in Christ. 

     If any of you are wondering, the answer was and is "YES, absolutely!!"  But I have to say honestly that after DJ passed away it would have been pretty easy for me to walk away from the Lord.  So many questions that I will never get the answer to until I see Jesus and DJ face to face in heaven...
  • Where were you God when DJ fell down? You could have kept him safe!
  • Why didn't you protect DJ when he was skateboarding? I have prayed for his safety his whole life, weren't you listening to me?  Where were your angels?
  • Why didn't you answer my prayers to save his life? Do you care about him or me?
  • Why didn't you heal DJ God? You heal others.
  • Why did our family have to lose DJ? Why did you pick him?
  • Why did Jake and Emilee have to lose a brother?  He was the glue and You took him!
  • Why did we have to have this horrible journey in life? You could have picked someone else!
  • Why, why, why?
    My questions remain unanswered but God didn't leave my side and I haven't left Him.  I needed Him every second, every day after DJ passed away.  I know that I would not be standing today if it weren't for Christ.  I know that without Him I would not still be married-the loss of a child is a heavy burden on any marriage.  I know that I believe in Christ, I know that I believe he died for my sins and I know that  I will see DJ in heaven again.

     I am not preaching to any of you, I am not trying to get you to believe what I believe.  But I know I had to stand firm on what I believed to stand firm after DJ passed away!

     What do you believe in?  What has kept you going?  What has kept you standing?  Have you forgotten what you believed in before your child died?  Have you quit holding on to what holds you up?  Today I am challenging you--get back to what you believed, get back to what gave you strength.  We all need to keep standing up after our child passes away whether we want to or not!  We need to stand strong for our remaining living children, for our spouses, for ourselves. Our children would not want us falling down, we owe it to them to honor them with our lives now.  Get back to your belief, get back to being strong even though you may not want to be.  What do you believe?