Saturday, February 5, 2011


I am so disappointed today. There was a posting on Compassionate Friends USA today. ( I love compassionate friends, they have been a great resource for so many and this isn't a reflection of them). A woman asked bereaved parent's opinion on what she should say to a family that just lost their 4 year old. This woman had a young nephew that passed away earlier and felt that maybe she has some insight because of her own loss. She wanted to know if she should say she had dealt with similar loss to this family...

Here is where my disappointment lies---so many parent's bashed on this woman for comparing the loss of their child to that of her nephew. Some of them were furious with her for thinking she knew what they were dealing with and were angry that she thought she had some idea of the pain we bereaved parents deal with. I know it is not the same, I know the level isn't even comparable but this woman didn't need to be bashed and hurt to get the point across.

We as parents get sick of being judged for how we react to certain situations, how we don't react, how we respond, how we don't respond. We get tired of hearing get over it, we get tired and angry when we don't get any compassion from the world. But these parents were showing no compassion to this woman and certainly were judging her to high heaven. I don't know this woman, I only know that she was asking what to do. Isn't that better to do than to say something stupid like I know how you feel, I lost a pet, I lost a nephew, I lost my grandparent?

I'm so saddened by the judgement that these people put on her when she was only asking for help. I get it, I am a member of this club--I deal with my grief everyday but I do not bash on people for asking for help. I even understand if someone is having a bad day and lash out, but so many people hurt this woman with their words, it was not just a few, it was many.

This bashing comes from pride--pride that "you don't know how I feel, You haven't lost a child." Be angry at me it you want, go ahead and bash me and tell me to get off my high horse but if you search your soul you will see it. I have dealt with it, I have felt that indignation when someone who has no idea what I am dealing with thinks they do--it is pride and it needs to be stopped. I am judging you all because I am in your foot steps, I wear your moccasins and right now I want to take them off because I am ashamed of the way the compassionate parents treated this woman. We don't want to be judged but we sure do a good job of doing it!!

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