Friday, February 18, 2011

Grief trumps joy

Today I should be happy. Today I arranged a time at a local cupcake bakery to have the families I interviewed for my book come and get their copies--I'm calling everyone tomorrow so if you are one of those wonderful families reading this--I haven't forgotten to call you yet. Today I scheduled a time to do my first official book signing at the same cupcake place-I even notified a friend of mine in the media to get the ball rolling. Today I went and bought a few new shirts just to look fresh for the events--to represent DJ well. All of this should bring me joy? Doesn't it make sense to you? It makes logical sense to me but my heart is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo NOT FEELING THE JOY.

I am falling into a hole when I should be joyful. Along the way to a store today I saw a NO SKATEBOARDING sign, oh how I wish my boy was able to break that rule--we always broke those rules-if you know me at all you know my family isn't too much into rule following. Give us a rule and we will just break it because-a little rebellious I guess.

I am sad, I am not happy--I know my book will help people who are grieving, I know that it will help those that want to help others that have lost a child. But everytime I speak about DJ, everytime I sign a book I am going to have to guard myself because it is my heart that is on these pages, it is my tears and that of the families interviewed that have written it. It is pain that has brought the pages to life.

I am exhausted and I haven't done anything exerting today---my grief is taking it all my energy away----

Flowers on a Child's Grave, Now What? for ebook--hard back available on site next week.

I am exhausted, I am sick, I am angry grief keeps robbing me, I am tired. Lisa

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