Saturday, October 30, 2010

Halloween Haunts

Halloween can be tough on parents who lose children--tough for the what if's and tough for the what was. What if he was still here and what was once...

What if--what would my child be this year?
would he be trick or treating this year at all?
would he be hanging out with his best friend or would they have grown apart?
would he be taking his younger sibling out for some fun?
would he still love chocolate more than any food group?

What was--scaring neighbor kids with my husband
terrorizing the neighborhood with masks and fog machines
wearing my black slacks as part of his outfit-he was so skinny
elaborate set ups in the entry way
hay rack rides
bags and bags of chocolate stored away in his room for later

As a family we don't celebrate Halloween like we used to. We no longer scare little kids in our neighborhood, we don't even trick or treat in our neighborhood anymore. The first year after DJ was gone our family went to another town to trick or treat. We couldn't stand the thought of seeing any of DJ's friends walking along and getting candy without him, the chances were too big. It was best to go somewhere no one knew us. My husband no longer cares to be home at all for Halloween, it has become a difficult holiday for him even 4 years after DJ's death. He and DJ loved to scare the kids, loved to decorate the house, loved to watch the kids leave our entry crying. They loved to terrorize, they loved to go big on Halloween.

Now we just go away, we don't stay home, we don't hand out candy (though I leave a bowl for the kids that may show up), we don't do anything similar to our past.

Halloween is full of fun and full of candy but often to the parent who loses a child it is full of haunts of old memories. So if you see a parent that has lost a child during Halloween be extra kind, it may not seem a big deal to you but to us someone is missing and we are missing them.

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