Saturday, October 16, 2010

Things we hang on to

I got an ipod for my birthday this week and of course quickly got it loaded with songs. I have an entire section titled DJ's music. It has been over four years now but I cannot let his music that is saved on itunes be removed. I love some it like the Johnny Cash music and can't stand the screamo Christian music that he had downloaded. But I will never remove the music from my system, it is something that I will always hang on to. I have a box of chocolate crunch wafers of DJ's that we found stashed in his room that are saved in our fridge and no one is allowed to eat them. I have shirts of DJ's in my closet that I will keep forever and occasionally wear when I am missing him. I have hung onto lots of DJ's things and will never get rid of them.

Many of DJ's things are useless and worthless to the outside world but they mean alot to me and someday my remaining kids will have to decide what to do with them when I am gone--I will always have his things-his fireworks stash, his star war guys,the tech deck dudes he played with for hours, some of his goofy movies that I couldn't stand but will never get rid of. His skateboard that I bought for him three weeks prior to his death for doing so well on his grades at school, the list goes on and on.

Is this unusual? Absolutely not! We as parents need to keep things our children touched, things they had their hands at and smells on. I have some of DJ's shirts stored in plastic Ziploc bags to try to keep his smell in. Of course I won't open them up because his smell could escape and it may already have since I don't check it out for fear of the smell of him disappearing (vicious circle).

I have talked with many people who have taken their children's shirts and made quilts out of them and others who can't even seperate with the clothes long enough for a quilt to be made. Some people have made shrines of their children's belongings above the family fireplace. I know people who still have their child's hats and coats hanging up on a coat rack after years of the child being gone.

There are so many things that we hang on to because we cannot touch our children and this is as close as many of us can get.

If you have recently lost a child or know someone who has tell them to take time with their children's belongings, don't be too quick to make decisions about getting rid of things. I have interviewed people who were quick to get rid of the belongings and reqret it shortly after. Take time and decide, pack things away for a few years and get back to them if you want. Do what is right for you!

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