Sunday, October 24, 2010


I never really thought too much about numbers before DJ died other than balancing a check book or the cost of groceries. Now however numbers have a totally different meaning...

The first time our family went to church after DJ's death we were asked "How many?" It was the first time I had to say we were a family of 4 instead of 5. 4 has become a terrible number.

Today is my youngest son Jake's 13th birthday. He is now almost older than DJ was when he passed away. By next May (when DJ would have been 18) Jake will officially be older than when DJ died. He will pass his brother up. This bothers me but I tell no one especially Jake. I don't want him to realize this-though he may have already. I don't want him having to carry the burden of 13.

Today Jake will blow out candles for his birthday-a 1 and a 3. These are the same candles that DJ last blew out. When I touch them today I will be touching something DJ and I had shared over 4 years ago. Still 4 years later there are things that come up that I can share a memory of about DJ. Where I can almost touch him again.

Songs parents shouldn't listen to--Three Wooden Crosses
Holes in Heaven both by Randy Travis

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