Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A signature changes everything

It became obvious to me that DJ was not going to make it, he was not going to come back to me. I whispered to him, "Go to Jesus DJ, go to Jesus." I don't think he needed my permission I just think it was my way of saying Goodbye to him. My way of letting go.
The doctors tell us they will do tests the next day to confirm what we all already know. They come to his room and open the curtains, it is bright again and the world is staring at me in my pain. They tell us to speak DJ's name loudly to see if he will respond. They poke his ear with a sharp needle and check his eyes for any sign of life. His beautiful green eyes are unresponsive. They take the ventilation tubes out of his mouth to see if he can breathe on his own---it doesn't work, he can't breathe by himself, he can't feel the pain of the needle and he can't hear us saying his name. No parent, no parent should ever have to see this scene. It is a horrible, horrible painful place to be--a place of absolute despair. It is official, with a signature on a piece of paper by a doctor I don't know, by a mere stranger, my son is declared brain dead. At 1pm on Sunday October 8, 2006. DJ was 13yrs old, he had just asked a girl to go to his first dance with him, he wanted to be a professional skateboarder, he was an amazing friend to the kids at school, he smiled all the time, he was an awesome kid and it all ended with a signature on a piece of paper.

1 comment:

  1. September, 24th 2006 a day I will never forget. My 7-year-old granddaughter, ‘Jade Stoner’ got run over outside her house. She had all the tests that you so honestly talk about and I was with her. A little bit of me died with each test and I will remember that time forever. It is the most heartbreaking thing to watch and then I had to go and tell my daughter the sad results. I can go back to that day like it was yesterday and the tears I have cried. My heart goes out to everyone who has suffered the loss of a child, God bless us all. x