Thursday, May 13, 2010

Hearing words I don't want to hear

Arriving at the hospital I'm not allowed to see my son. My husband and I wait in a small sterile white room for word, any word. Finally a doctor comes to meet us. My husband asks if DJ is in pain and he says no, he is not. It takes a few minutes for this to sink it--he is not in any pain because he doesn't feel anything anymore. The wall behind me is cold and bare and it is the only thing that holds me up as the doctor tells me this. At what seems like days we are allowed to go into the emergency room DJ is in and he is bare except for a sheet and tubes. Tubes are everywhere. We are told that DJ needs to be taken away to get an x-ray but before they do I ask why? What could they possibly need one for? All the nurses, doctors, strangers assure me it is necessary. He is gone again before I even get a chance to touch his bare skin, he keeps leaving me without my permission, without my consent, leaving, leaving, leaving.
Finally we are reunited, my husband, myself and DJ--in a dark room full of wires, tubes, monitors, coldness. In a room I do not want to be in ---I want to be sitting in DJ's room telling him goodnight and tickling him. I don't want the light to be in this room, my world is sinking and fading away as I know it and I don't want the light from the sun in this room--I close the curtain, I shut out the world--I close the curtain as my life closes in.

1 comment:

  1. DJ's day will be May 22nd at Seymour Smith Skatepark at 68th and Harrison in Omaha Nebraska from 1 to 3 pm. Free skate helmets, free t-shirts, free food, free music. Please come if you can! This is in honor of DJ's 17th birthday