Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Why I don't watch the news

I try really hard not to watch the news since DJ's death. It is tough to watch it when I see so many children die needlessly and endlessly on the news. I make a point not to watch it, even after four years. However, this week I chose to watch it. I wanted to know what happened to the local 13 year old boy that passed away. I didn't watch it for the curiosity of the facts and trauma. I didn't want to gawk at the family's pain but because I have an understanding of the loss, I had sympathy for the family and wanted to know what was happening. I have a kinship and have great sadness for them. I feel the pain they feel for losing their 13 year old boy. It is a kinship I wish we didn't share.

While listening to the interview the mother says, "my son wanted to be a professional skateboarder, that was his passion." These are the exact words I said about DJ after his death in many interviews. Not almost the same words but the exact words. What are the chances? Apparently really good.

So all that said, I am not happy today. I am not celebrating the fact that another 13 year old is in heaven. I am not rejoicing that DJ gets to show him all the cool skateboard places in heaven.

I am angry that another family has this pain. I am angry that I have this pain.

I miss my son. I am spiraling and sad and I am not trying to get out of the hole. Let the hole have me today, today I jump in.

This is why I don't watch the news.

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