Friday, November 26, 2010

Say my child's name

Say my child's name. It is that simple. To continue to be in my world say DJ's name. Do not be afraid to speak about him. Tell me stories. Remind me of silly things he did.

After a child dies people are often afraid to say our child's name. People are worried that it will make us sad. Silly, silly people. Sadness is always there, it is just hidden. It is masked beneath our smile--that Mona Lisa fake smile. If we are having a really good day it could be miles away from our thoughts and deeply stored away. Some days the sadness is a dark cloak over us that people can see and one that we don't wish to remove. The sadness is always just a thought or memory away.

I had a girlfriend that would text me after DJ passed away. She would tell me she was worried about me and ask me how everything was BUT she would never say DJ's name. I hated getting texts from her because she would talk about everything, would want to know everything but would not say DJ's name. I am no longer friends with this person.

Don't be afraid to say our child's name. Do not worry it will make us sad because again, sadness is just a hop and skip away. It will make us sadder if our child is forgotten, as if they never truly lived. And that to us is a horrible gut wrenching pain. Far worse than to hear their name is to not ever hear their name! Far worse is that they are forgotten.

Tell us stories--I remember when DJ would get in trouble at school because he would take food out of the trash can. It appalled him that someone would throw away a perfectly good bag of chips-he couldn't stand the waste. The staff eventually had to tell him to quit doing it.

I remember when DJ would make taco hot dog cheese wraps--yuck but he would eat them.

I remember hugging him and feeling his bony shoulders-I cannot wait to feel them again.

I remember listening to Johnny Cash songs with him and blasting them in the car so he could get charged to skateboard with Luke and his buddies. Hey, hey get Rhythm!

I remember driving him to Salvy, to Roberts, all over town to skateboard with his buddies.

I remember his constant smile-the one he was born with, the one that was always on his face!

I remember him asking to hear stories, he loved to hear about other's people stories-like he was storing them.

I could go on for hours with memories but I bet some of you have more that you could share--if not with me than with another friend that has lost a child--

My challenge to you all today is to remember our children and not forget to say their names.

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