Weddings

Okay so many of you know that I try really hard to not watch the news on television. Too many stories about too many children passing away. Too much pain all the time.

So I watch a television show today about brides to be buying their wedding dresses. Sounds like a safe show right? Yay right...A young woman talks about how she is trying to find a dress that will symbolize her sister who had passed away a year prior. Then one of the consultants starts speaking about how he had lost his sister when he was 12 years old and how he still carries that with him everyday for the last 30 plus years.

This brings about two facts---

One---DJ's friends are going to be getting married someday and I am going to have to pretend that I am happy for them. This has already happened to some of the people I have interviewed and usually the women end up crying during the service. They aren't crying for the joy for the couple but for the fact that their children are not there. It becomes so evident during these kind of events that their child is gone. It is too much of an expectation for some families to be happy during the weddings so many just don't go altogether.

Second---my children will be getting married someday and DJ will not be present for them. I had a friend who's brother passed away when we were in college and she represented him in her wedding with a special candle and a remembrance in the announcement. Is this what DJ's life is going to be summed down to? A sentence and a candle? That sucks.

I am re-reading this posting and realizing that it is not the news or the television that is causing me pain. It is life that causes me pain. It wouldn't matter if I was watching Sponge Bob or The Terminator. It wouldn't matter if I was reading a Sesame Street book or a Stephen King novel. Life is what it is and I need to bloom like the iris. I need to be strong and realize that life is hard and be prepared for it. Perhaps there will be one hundred purple irises at my children's weddings and you all will know why.