Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Grief becomes Anger

I see grief looming like an angry cloud. It is in the air, it is hanging all over my husband. I see the grief just waiting for the match to light the fire. It is waiting calmly to explode, what a paradox. The calm before the storm! I don't know what to do to ease the anger, but I see it coming and I feel it. It is in the words not spoken and the tone of those spoken. It is in the body language and the eyes that are looking but not seeing. It is in the late nights spent up thinking and thinking some more. It is looming and it is bigger than I am. People say grief is a cycle, that there are steps to it, but I see it as a wheel that keeps rotating, around and around and you never know where it is going to stop. Instead of winning a trip with a spin, you win a trip to grief city. A place that isn't shiny, isn't happy and isn't calming. It is not a place I want to visit very often and a road that I try to travel less often. It is coming and I am waiting calmly for it to pass.

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