Wednesday, August 4, 2010


My husband and I decided the week of DJ's death that we weren't going to let this destroy our marriage. When we were both kids we had friends die and we watched it destroy their families. It's crazy what you see as a young kid sticks with you and unfortunately comes full circle to you as well. This of course is not as easy as it sounds.

Marriage takes lots of patience! Patience is the most important thing of all I think, actually I know it is! Even in a marriage without the loss of a child it takes patience but one which has struggled with the loss of a child needs extra loads of patience.

When my husband would be angry and just seething with grief I would have to be patient and realize it was not me he was angry with, it was the anger from losing DJ. When my husband was up late at night and not going to work the next day I had patience with him. I was wishing he was going back to work to create some normalcy for him and me but I had to be patient with the depression that was taking any drive for work out of him. When he was quiet and withdrawn I would have patience to not take it personally. I just had to keep talking to him to let him know no matter how withdrawn and depressed he was that I still loved him. When he would be grieving and I wasn't I had to be patient with him.

Now on the flip side, my husband has had to have patience with me as well. When I was exhausted at night and just couldn't fathom being intimate with him he would have to patient with me. When I would forget to pay a bill because my mind and memory were just gone with grief he would have to be patient with me. When we were just going through the steps of marriage and barely communicating he would have to be patient. When I was going down a hole he would have to be there to help pick me up and be patient with me.

Love is patient is so true. I take it a step further to say that a marriage where a child has died is in need of great PATIENCE.

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