Friday, August 27, 2010

Prayer Part 1

I have been struggling with prayer ever since DJ's death. This is a common struggle for families after the loss of a child, though knowing this fact doesn't help me much within my own issue. You pray for years for your child, for God to keep them safe, for God to help them grow up to who they should be, for Him to protect them....And then there is death and no protection. Or so it seems. It seems that the power of prayer is gone, that God is going to do whatever he wants in the end so why really pray about it, what good does it do? He is God and I am not.

My heart tells me one thing about prayer but the life I have lived tells me the another. My heart tells me that there is power in prayer and that God did protect DJ so many times. DJ had a serious infection when he was around 2 that could have resulted in death, he climbed a small skinny tree way too high once. He heard it cracking and heard me hollar to get down at the same time-another time he could have easily died. He had a crash on his skateboard three months before the ultimate crash that could have been bad.

My heart tells me God has protected DJ, my heart tells me that God allowed DJ to be in our lives for probably longer than planned--so did our prayers actually mean something? YES, they did, God kept him here longer I believe because we did pray for safety and protection.

My life shows me that God didn't protect DJ at the end. All the years of prayer did not keep him safe in the end, all the dreams of his future died with him, all the dreams God placed within him died with him. Where was God when DJ was falling? Where was God when he fell twice? Where was God when DJ decided to go down that stupid hill? Where was God? Where were the answer to my prayers?

I have those answers in Part II

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