Sunday, August 8, 2010

Dentist-more fall out

A few days before DJ's accident he went to the dentist for a filling. A few weeks after his death my youngest son Jake went to the same dentist and sat in the same dental chair as DJ. It made him cry during his appointment. Now everytime Jake goes to the dentist he gets sad. Jake had a root canal, a very painful one and cried tears. He cried outloud for his brother saying how much he missed him and he wished he was there with him.

This has become such a negative association for him. Even now almost 4 years later when Jake had to go to the dentist and again was told he had to have another root canal he began to cry. At 12 he still gets sad whenever he goes, he left the building crying. His huge hate for the dentist just isn't about the dental work, it is about DJ. It is a trigger and it sucks for him on so many levels.

How do we get through this? How do I help him disassociate this? I don't know yet. People say time will help and it does. Second by second and day by day time does go by and time helps. It doesn't make the event less sad, less horrible but it makes it easier to manage the pain.

I am guessing time is the only thing that will help Jake. So much fall out, so many triggers after a child passes away. So much pain. I plan to start taking Jake to the dentist every 3 months after this root canal, perhaps normal check ups will help him learn to hate the dentist less. Maybe this will help him think of DJ less during his appointments. It may take years or he may always think of DJ during the dentist appointments. On this I am alone in solving the mystery of grief for Jake--we are all alone on so many levels.

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