Friday, July 1, 2011

A road is a road to many but a road is an accident scene to many of us. A cross on the highway is a wood structure to some but a marker of someone special to a bereaved parent. Flowers along a street are just plastic to the nonbreaved parent but to many they are a reminder of the life and the death of a loved one. The road, the street, the accident scene is in our head, in our memories and in reality as well. 

DJ's accident was on a road near me.  I am thankful that I do not have to go by the scene ever.  I do not have to drive along that section of street and see DJ laying on the ground in pain, I do not need to go there physically because I can see it everyday in my head without ever traveling there.  There are many parents that do have to travel along the road or close to it and again, I am thankful for myself that I do not have to deal with that. 

I do have to travel daily along the route that I drove to get to DJ's accident scene though.  I wish I did not, but I just drive and try very hard not to think of anything other than the immediate travels.  I do not think about driving way above the speed limit to get to him-(I flew to my boy but it wasn't fast enough)--only to see him holding his head on the ground going in and out of consciousness.

One of the many horrible things about losing a child is that we the bereaved parents do not need to go somewhere like the accident scene, the hospital, the morgue, the funeral home, the grave site, etc to remember the death of our children.  Though I do not travel to the accident scene I can describe it very well to all of you if I wanted to. I can see it in my memory like it was yesterday.  I know what clothes I was wearing, what DJ had on.  Where I parked, where DJ's friends were sitting along the curb. I can still see his bestfriend crying on the curb.  I can feel the blood that was on the street that got stuck on my foot from DJ's head injury.  I can see DJ being worked on by the paramedics from the large red truck.  I can hear them asking me what his name was and having them calling DJ by name to keep him alert.  I remember these things easily and painfully.  I do not need to go to the scene to remember it. 

Often well meaning stupid people tell us to "get over it"- what "they" don't understand is that memories do not go away easily-especially difficult painful ones.  Just because I am not physically standing at DJ's accident scene the memory is no less intense.  We do not get over things like the world wants us to because everything is just a memory away.  How do you "get over" something so quickly that lives with you every day?  The memories are there inside our minds, inside our hearts.

Again--A road is a road to many but a road is an accident scene to many of us.  A cross, flowers, a teddy bear, a pinwheel, a marker--these things are a reminder of our children.  So the next time you see one do not just think of it's physical attributes, think of the child, the husband, the wife, the PERSON that lived once and does no more.  We remember our loved one everyday and we want you to be aware that they lived too!

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