Today I received a package in the mail for DJ. He would have been 18 years old this year and oddly enough a package from Procter and Gamble came today for him saying Happy 18th Birthday from Gillette. It was full of deodorant and razers, etc-a marketing piece that came to a child that is not alive. Apparently this company did not get the heads up that DJ passed away almost 5 years ago. I receive college information occasionally for him still--he would be a junior this year and it would have been the time to decide on college. I get ACT/SAT information for him also. I know these companies get information when our children are born, or when they start school, but do they not get the death announcement as well? Apparently not.
I remember the year DJ passed away and I had to do my taxes. I looked on the tax return and DJ was not listed as a dependent. He passed away in October-so in my opinion he would have been a deduction for 10 months of that year. I even called my accountant and he said "No the government does not allow you to claim a child for the year they died." The government apparently decided he didn't live at all that year.
I am very glad the razor package didn't come a few months after DJ passed away because I would not have survived it very well--it would have sent me into a hole--the world thinking he was still alive, a life gone too soon.
What is the outside world doing that is reminding you that your child is gone? Is it a bill from before they died? Is it a package that comes in the mail that they ordered and were never able to receive? Is it a youth group that is doing an outing that your child was supposed to be at? Is it a promotion that their friend got in their place at work? The list goes on and on--I am only writing this today to make the bereaved parent beware--that things can come in the mail very unexpectedly-that when you are not looking something will pop up from the world that will remind you a little extra that your child is not alive.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Casey Anthony case-life is unjust
This week I decided to take a small break from blogging. I have been posting and sharing on lots of grief sites lately and I was beginning to feel the hole calling to me. I really feel it is part of my honoring DJ that I offer whatever help I can to others that have lost children and one way is going to many facebook sites and answering bereaved parent's questions and offering support. I was helped along the way after DJ passed away and feel that we the bereaved parents need to pay it forward to others along this horrible path.
Well, then the Casey Anthony case was everywhere on the news and here comes another blog. As many of you know I do not watch the news anymore, I have had enough loss and drama in my life that I try very hard not to watch more tragedy on television-this murder case however could not be missed.
Synapsos-the mother was charged with murdering her little girl. The evidence seemed so obvious to everyone in the word, in the media, and all the commentators that surely she would get a guilty verdict. Well apparently there were many things that the jury heard and knew that made them give her a not guilty verdict. This made so many parents across the nation and probably the world terribly angry. But I think that the bereaved parents are angrier-Why? Well...
We had no choice over the loss of our child. Our children died accidentally, or because of health reasons. Some were murdered and taken away from their families, others took their own lives--so many ways to lose a child but the fact is that we the parents did not have the choice in the matter and by all apparent facts this mother did. She got a non-guilty verdict and maybe some day the truth will come out-whether it was her or not it does not change the fact that a little girl is dead.
So many people hurt their children, so many abuse their child and neglect them yet do not lose them to death. So many parents chose to destroy their wonderful gifts from God--what we the bereaved would give to have our child back and these parents chose to destroy their children. There is no justice in that. We wanted our children, would want them back and others have done horrible things to their
children and yet they do lose them.
This mother or someone murdered Casey Anthony, put duct tape over her mouth and dumped her body. This is pure evil and someday God will certainly take justice for it. Most of life is unjust, we live in a sinful, tough world and in the end God will take care of that injustice but for now -it is what it is.
Bottom line---life is full of choices, I chose to love DJ every single day of his life and still do now. You all have children and people in your lives that you can chose to love or not. That is where the justice in the world starts, with our own choices of either loving one another honestly and sincerely or not. If this woman had been loved would her child be alive? If she had known what sincere love was would Casey still be alive? This is where the world's justice starts--love one another--it is God's commandment to us---why did He state it so strongly? Because life is unjust, life is hard and without love little girls like Casey lose their lives.
Well, then the Casey Anthony case was everywhere on the news and here comes another blog. As many of you know I do not watch the news anymore, I have had enough loss and drama in my life that I try very hard not to watch more tragedy on television-this murder case however could not be missed.
Synapsos-the mother was charged with murdering her little girl. The evidence seemed so obvious to everyone in the word, in the media, and all the commentators that surely she would get a guilty verdict. Well apparently there were many things that the jury heard and knew that made them give her a not guilty verdict. This made so many parents across the nation and probably the world terribly angry. But I think that the bereaved parents are angrier-Why? Well...
We had no choice over the loss of our child. Our children died accidentally, or because of health reasons. Some were murdered and taken away from their families, others took their own lives--so many ways to lose a child but the fact is that we the parents did not have the choice in the matter and by all apparent facts this mother did. She got a non-guilty verdict and maybe some day the truth will come out-whether it was her or not it does not change the fact that a little girl is dead.
So many people hurt their children, so many abuse their child and neglect them yet do not lose them to death. So many parents chose to destroy their wonderful gifts from God--what we the bereaved would give to have our child back and these parents chose to destroy their children. There is no justice in that. We wanted our children, would want them back and others have done horrible things to their
children and yet they do lose them.
This mother or someone murdered Casey Anthony, put duct tape over her mouth and dumped her body. This is pure evil and someday God will certainly take justice for it. Most of life is unjust, we live in a sinful, tough world and in the end God will take care of that injustice but for now -it is what it is.
Bottom line---life is full of choices, I chose to love DJ every single day of his life and still do now. You all have children and people in your lives that you can chose to love or not. That is where the justice in the world starts, with our own choices of either loving one another honestly and sincerely or not. If this woman had been loved would her child be alive? If she had known what sincere love was would Casey still be alive? This is where the world's justice starts--love one another--it is God's commandment to us---why did He state it so strongly? Because life is unjust, life is hard and without love little girls like Casey lose their lives.
Friday, July 1, 2011
A road is a road to many but a road is an accident scene to many of us. A cross on the highway is a wood structure to some but a marker of someone special to a bereaved parent. Flowers along a street are just plastic to the nonbreaved parent but to many they are a reminder of the life and the death of a loved one. The road, the street, the accident scene is in our head, in our memories and in reality as well.
DJ's accident was on a road near me. I am thankful that I do not have to go by the scene ever. I do not have to drive along that section of street and see DJ laying on the ground in pain, I do not need to go there physically because I can see it everyday in my head without ever traveling there. There are many parents that do have to travel along the road or close to it and again, I am thankful for myself that I do not have to deal with that.
I do have to travel daily along the route that I drove to get to DJ's accident scene though. I wish I did not, but I just drive and try very hard not to think of anything other than the immediate travels. I do not think about driving way above the speed limit to get to him-(I flew to my boy but it wasn't fast enough)--only to see him holding his head on the ground going in and out of consciousness.
One of the many horrible things about losing a child is that we the bereaved parents do not need to go somewhere like the accident scene, the hospital, the morgue, the funeral home, the grave site, etc to remember the death of our children. Though I do not travel to the accident scene I can describe it very well to all of you if I wanted to. I can see it in my memory like it was yesterday. I know what clothes I was wearing, what DJ had on. Where I parked, where DJ's friends were sitting along the curb. I can still see his bestfriend crying on the curb. I can feel the blood that was on the street that got stuck on my foot from DJ's head injury. I can see DJ being worked on by the paramedics from the large red truck. I can hear them asking me what his name was and having them calling DJ by name to keep him alert. I remember these things easily and painfully. I do not need to go to the scene to remember it.
Often well meaning stupid people tell us to "get over it"- what "they" don't understand is that memories do not go away easily-especially difficult painful ones. Just because I am not physically standing at DJ's accident scene the memory is no less intense. We do not get over things like the world wants us to because everything is just a memory away. How do you "get over" something so quickly that lives with you every day? The memories are there inside our minds, inside our hearts.
Again--A road is a road to many but a road is an accident scene to many of us. A cross, flowers, a teddy bear, a pinwheel, a marker--these things are a reminder of our children. So the next time you see one do not just think of it's physical attributes, think of the child, the husband, the wife, the PERSON that lived once and does no more. We remember our loved one everyday and we want you to be aware that they lived too!
DJ's accident was on a road near me. I am thankful that I do not have to go by the scene ever. I do not have to drive along that section of street and see DJ laying on the ground in pain, I do not need to go there physically because I can see it everyday in my head without ever traveling there. There are many parents that do have to travel along the road or close to it and again, I am thankful for myself that I do not have to deal with that.
I do have to travel daily along the route that I drove to get to DJ's accident scene though. I wish I did not, but I just drive and try very hard not to think of anything other than the immediate travels. I do not think about driving way above the speed limit to get to him-(I flew to my boy but it wasn't fast enough)--only to see him holding his head on the ground going in and out of consciousness.
One of the many horrible things about losing a child is that we the bereaved parents do not need to go somewhere like the accident scene, the hospital, the morgue, the funeral home, the grave site, etc to remember the death of our children. Though I do not travel to the accident scene I can describe it very well to all of you if I wanted to. I can see it in my memory like it was yesterday. I know what clothes I was wearing, what DJ had on. Where I parked, where DJ's friends were sitting along the curb. I can still see his bestfriend crying on the curb. I can feel the blood that was on the street that got stuck on my foot from DJ's head injury. I can see DJ being worked on by the paramedics from the large red truck. I can hear them asking me what his name was and having them calling DJ by name to keep him alert. I remember these things easily and painfully. I do not need to go to the scene to remember it.
Often well meaning stupid people tell us to "get over it"- what "they" don't understand is that memories do not go away easily-especially difficult painful ones. Just because I am not physically standing at DJ's accident scene the memory is no less intense. We do not get over things like the world wants us to because everything is just a memory away. How do you "get over" something so quickly that lives with you every day? The memories are there inside our minds, inside our hearts.
Again--A road is a road to many but a road is an accident scene to many of us. A cross, flowers, a teddy bear, a pinwheel, a marker--these things are a reminder of our children. So the next time you see one do not just think of it's physical attributes, think of the child, the husband, the wife, the PERSON that lived once and does no more. We remember our loved one everyday and we want you to be aware that they lived too!
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