Monday, June 6, 2011

Gifts at the Gravesite

I know I have spoke about leaving gifts at the gravesite before but it came up at a Compassionate Friends meeting this week and then my husband talked about it at home later as apparently it is on people's minds right now.  It makes sense that people are talking about it--it was just Memorial weekend in the United States, a time to place flowers on gravesites of those that we love.  Generally of course it is supposed to be specifically for remembering the military but as a culture we put flowers on all of those that we have lost.

My husband wanted me to blog that it makes him happy when he sees things left behind on DJ's grave.  It tells him that people have not forgotten DJ.  He doesn't care what it is--we have had half broken skateboards, pinwheels, toy cars, letters, flowers, crosses--all sort of things.  For my husband it is a positive thing.

Now there are many people that have the direct opposite reaction.   I have interviewed people that cannot stand it when memorabilla is left behind.  They feel that the gravesite is their place to remember their child and that outsiders should not be leaving things behind.  They feel that people are trespassing when they leave stuff behind.  Some feel it is just junk.  Others get upset because they wonder why these people visit the gravesite when they did not visit the child while they were living. 

It is easy to say that people have different reactions to the gravesite and the miscellanious things left on it.  I do know one they for certain though, we are all glad when our children are remembered---so today tell a bereaved parent a memory you have of their child or at least mention their name--we all don't need to drive to the cemetary to have memories. 

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