Awhile back I was having a phone conversation with someone and I made a mental decision not to say a thing about DJ. I didn't know this person well enough to give them that privileged information about me, my family and my son.
I write about this because these are two incidents where the words we say, the information we share about our child is privileged information. I don't think, no- I know, that people who we share this information with do not realize how much we are truly sharing. We are baring a little bit of our soul with them-something so private and privileged that we do not share it with everyone. To give a person a bit of our story we are truly risking the memory, the life of our child. We do not chose to tell about our loved ones flippantly, it is not just words to us--it is a memory, an honor we are giving them and they are choosing to accept or deny it.
When DJ first passed away I probably told everyone about it. Ofcourse it wasn't hard to know something was wrong-grief was written on every inch of my body and that of my families. But now as almost 7 years have gone by I chose who I tell. Not everyone is worthy of knowing about DJ's life and our loss.
Not everyone is worthy of knowing how wonderful and cool he was. How DJ could light up a room just by walking into it. How beautifully green his eyes were. How he would be into his first year of college now. Not everyone gets the opportunity to learn that he teased his family-his brother almost mercilessly and was a constant source of support to his friends. How he was his sisters very best friend and how much he is missed.
I now choose who I share my memories with, I choose who I share my life and DJ's with. I have learned over the years that not everyone is worthy of this part of my life. Knowing about DJ is a privilege. I hope all of you reading this have friends and family that you can share that privilege with. I hope that all of you reading this that have not lost a child now realize what a gift a bereaved parent is giving you by sharing their words with you.