Sunday, October 9, 2011

A year in retrospect

Yesterday was DJ's 5th anniversary in heaven.  It caused me to think about the last anniversary-the 4th.

On the 4th anniversary my daughter was having a terrible time, she had medical issues I think that were caused by the grief of DJ's anniversary.  She wasn't handling the loss well at all (not that any of us do but it was causing her to make some very poor decisions personally).  She had moved out and was barely getting through school.  She flat out was a mess.

On the 5th anniversary she is having a great time on a vacation with a friend.  She is done with school, she is on the verge of getting a great job at a hair salon.  She is becoming a little more reflective and I am hoping she is beginning to make better choices in friends and friendships as well.  She is happier.

On the fourth anniversary we were in a home we no longer loved, we were barely thinking of doing much more than going to work, pay bills and start all over again. 

On the fifth anniversary we have moved into a home we love, we have actually given ourselves permission to be happy again.  We have a few goals, a few desires of things to do in the future, we can see beyond our pain.

We still miss DJ badly, but we are on the road to having a "different" life, not a better one-the only way for a better one would be if DJ was alive and here.  All that said if you are new to this terrible grief journey realize that there will be a day when enjoying life is okay, you will find a time when getting up out of bed isn't such a struggle.  Life does go on, it doesn't mean we ever stop loving our children---never, no how!!!!  But someday you will be five years, ten years down the road with a different life and that's okay---be kind to yourself today! 

Sidenote--I want to thank all of you that came to the book signing at the Bookworm yesterday.  It was a pleasure to meet new friends and see old ones!!  Flower's on a Child's Grave, Now What?  is continuing to reach out and help bereaved families and those that love them and want to help them.
Ifyou care to read about me or the book you can check out my site at


  1. The key is "permission to be happy again". Interesting how we feel if we laugh that we might be disrespecting our child. Actually if they could talk to us, they would tell us to go forward and be happy.

    Great post. Comparing this year to last shows that you've made progress.

  2. Thanks Janet, progress is made slowly and with and without guilt. It is okay to be happy but often difficult to give ourselves that permission!