Saturday, October 8, 2011

I used to like October

October used to be one of my favorite months.  I loved the changing colors of the trees, the fall smells.  Oh and yes my birthday is in that amazing month as well--well it used to be amazing, now the month just sucks.

October 7, 2006--DJ, my beautiful 13 year old son,  fell while skateboarding and hit his head hard. 
                            The day I got a phone call saying "the ambulance was on the way"
                             The day that changed my life and that of my family forever

October 8, 2006--At 1pm on that Sunday DJ was declared brain dead by doctor's I didn't know and have never seen again.  On that day I told my son to go to Jesus because truly he was already with Him.

October 12, 2006--My birthday and DJ's visitation at the funeral home (I hate the word visitation, are we truly visiting the dead? No, it's just an exhausting day for the surviving family)

October 13, 2006--DJ's funeral and the last day I ever saw his physical body, the last time I touched his hand, the last time I kissed him, the last time I was able to touch his beautiful head of hair.

October 15, 2011--my father-in-laws birthday, he just passed away 3 months ago and I know ths is going to be a hard day for my mother-in-law.  It is a long list of "firsts" that she has in front of her.

October 24, 2006--my youngest son Jake's 9th birthday and all he asked for was for "his brother to come back, he didn't want any toys", that was not a "happy" birthday.

October 31, 2006--took DJ's sister Emilee and brother Jake to another town to trick and treat because seeing DJ's friends would have been entirely too painful

Every year since, every October since has sucked. It will always bring with it the falling of leaves, the array of pumpkins and the smells of bonfires.  It will always bring with it a million horrible memories that I wish I didn't have but do, a lifetime of memories and sadness.  I do not like October Sam I am, I do not like it!


  1. I do not like October, either. We lost our 18 year old son to a brain tumor on October 16, 2004. It is not a month to celebrate. I am bookmarking your blog--to read later: a little bit at a time.
    -Rae in Nebraska

  2. ditto... dread fall, the holiday months...
    My daughter's birthday, October 12, 1987.
    Date of death, September 12, 2009.
    November: Thanksgiving... difficult one.
    December: Christmas. Means less presents, less company, less laughter, less reason to feel joyful
    January: Un-happy New Year
    February: Valentines... one less card to give and receive.
    March... the only quiet month.
    April: Easter and the whole resurrection issue, Yes, there is hope in the promise of resurrection in heaven, but I also, in vain, begged Him to resurrect her like He did Lazarus and other people's children.
    May: Mother's Day blues
    June: Father's day
    July: my birthday... worst day of the year.
    August: her dad's birthday

  3. I lost my son Stephen, Oct.7th,1995. He died of cancer. Our oldest son, Jonathan, died in accidental drowning along with his best friend on August 12, 1989. It seems I barely get over a dreaded date: their birthdays, anniversarys of their death dates, Christmas, then I have to face another one! Life can be so hard, and it is only with my faith in GOD that I surrvive it all! What's worse than losing a child? Losing two!