DJ was 13 years old when he passed away- from him I felt I had a pretty good handle on the "ins and outs"of a 13 year old boy. Without even realizing it I didn't worry too much about raising Jake along the way. But this week I became aware of the fact that I haven't had the experiences of a 14 year old boy, DJ passed away too soon.
This simple little thought has made my heart ache this week because it silently shouts out to me that I have been robbed of raising DJ past 13 years of age and Jake too has been robbed of having a 14,15,16,17,18 year old brother. Life has a way of reminding me of the many losses that come with the passing of a child.
I am now in new territory with Jake, I am in an unknown area. I am sure it will be full of good things, great memories and challenges. It will also be full of missing memories as well--no graduation memory of DJ, no chance for DJ to help Jake learn how to drive. No prom or homecoming for DJ and no chance for Jake to tease DJ about a girl friend. The list goes on and on.
Life is full of memories but it is also full of missing memories and of those I have many. Who knew the passage of age for Jake would take on such meaning to me? The answer is all of you that have lost a child--so many missing memories, so many ways to further miss our children. I am sure there will be so many more things coming up in life until the day I reunite with DJ in heaven--we all will have them.
2 Sidenotes---I do not know how to comment back to all of you that comment on my post. I would love to-so if you leave a comment to me directly on facebook I will be able to respond.
Also, I will be having a book signing at The Bookworm bookstore in Omaha on October 8 -the 5th anniversary of DJ's death. If you can't make it you can order my book Flowers on a Child's Grave, Now What? at flowersonagrave.com