Sunday, August 28, 2011

I haven't raised a 14 year old boy before

My youngest son Jake will be 14 years old this year.  As I was looking at him I realized that I don't know anything about raising a 14 year old boy.  I know this may sound odd to some of  you but not to my bereaved parent's brain.

DJ was 13 years old when he passed away- from him I felt I had a pretty good handle on the "ins and outs"of a 13 year old boy.  Without even realizing it I didn't worry too much about raising Jake along the way.  But this week I became aware of the fact that I haven't had the experiences of a 14 year old boy, DJ passed away too soon. 

This simple little thought has made my heart ache this week because it silently shouts out to me that I have been robbed of raising DJ past 13 years of age and Jake too has been robbed of having a 14,15,16,17,18 year old brother.  Life has a way of reminding me of the many losses that come with the passing of a child.

I am now in new territory with Jake, I am in an unknown area.  I am sure it will be full of good things, great memories and challenges. It will also be full of missing memories as well--no graduation memory of DJ, no chance for DJ to help Jake learn how to drive.  No prom or homecoming for DJ and no chance for Jake to tease DJ about a girl friend.  The list goes on and on.

Life is full of memories but it is also full of missing memories and of those I have many.  Who knew the passage of age for Jake would take on such meaning to me?  The answer is all of you that have lost a child--so many missing memories, so many ways to further miss our children.  I am sure there will be so many more things coming up in life until the day I reunite with DJ in heaven--we all will have them. 

2 Sidenotes---I do not know how to comment back to all of you that comment on my post. I would love to-so if you leave a comment to me directly on facebook I will be able to respond.

Also, I will be having a book signing at The Bookworm bookstore in Omaha on October 8 -the 5th anniversary of DJ's death. If you can't make it you can order my book Flowers on a Child's Grave, Now What? at

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