This week was DJ's 18th birthday, his 5th birthday since he passed away in 2006. I went to his gravesite the day before his birthday, I didn't want to go on the day of his birthday incase I ran into someone I knew. It is a really difficult place for me to go, I know many parent's that go and find a lot of peace from it but I only find pain-even 5 years later.
This year was a little odd though. I went and had two sensations. At first I felt as if I didn't stay long enough and actually went back to his grave. After a few minutes of that I felt as if I was an intruder and I didn't belong there. I have never had that feeling before.
Is it a sign of the grief subsiding? Is it a sign that I am healthier than I was just a few years ago. I don't know the answer to either of these questions. I do not know why I felt like an intruder, like I didn't belong there but I did. If anyone reading my blog has felt this before let me know your insight into it and apparently if you have felt it don't feel guilty about it because I can't be the only one--or am I? I would appreciate any comments or direction on this one.
(My book has only one copy left at Parables in Omaha and is still available at the Bookworm locally. If anyone would like an ebook form or would like to order it directly from me you can go to flowersonagrave.com)
This year was a little odd though. I went and had two sensations. At first I felt as if I didn't stay long enough and actually went back to his grave. After a few minutes of that I felt as if I was an intruder and I didn't belong there. I have never had that feeling before.
Is it a sign of the grief subsiding? Is it a sign that I am healthier than I was just a few years ago. I don't know the answer to either of these questions. I do not know why I felt like an intruder, like I didn't belong there but I did. If anyone reading my blog has felt this before let me know your insight into it and apparently if you have felt it don't feel guilty about it because I can't be the only one--or am I? I would appreciate any comments or direction on this one.
(My book has only one copy left at Parables in Omaha and is still available at the Bookworm locally. If anyone would like an ebook form or would like to order it directly from me you can go to flowersonagrave.com)
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