Monday, September 13, 2010

Dinner and tears

My husband and my friends have changed since DJ passed away 4 years ago. We can become immediate friends with couple's who have lost children. Instantly there is a connection and an understanding that we have with them that we have with no one else. This weekend we went to dinner for the first time with one of these couples.

The husband and wife were so wonderful, we shared stories that didn't have anything to do with our loss, we laughed and we got to know each other over pasta and salad. Then we discussed in detail stories about our children, and on that topic we could all talk for hours. We had to make a point to quit discussing our children, to ending the conversations with sadness. We had to regroup and register what was happening and completely change the topic. Dinner was wonderful and sad at the same time.

We have all decided that we will definitely do dinner again but we can't do it and discuss our children so deeply and painfully. Does this mean we love our children any less? No. Does it mean that we have forgotten them? No. But it does mean that sometime the emotion is just too strong and too painful and too close to the surface that we can barely speak their name.

Sometimes we just have to put away that part of our lives for a small time and try to enjoy what is in front of us. We will never stop loving our children, they will always be with us but some days we have to carry them a little less closely to our hearts.

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