Monday, December 10, 2012

What do you believe in???

     Let me start by apologizing for not blogging for a long time-my life has been hectic and crazy and it just hasn't been on my radar for awhile.  Also, when I blog I try to post them to websites and facebook pages of bereaved parents to help them but I tend to read and read those sites and it can put me in a hole after a day of posting! Today though it jumped on my radar screen...

     Today I was looking at my Christmas tree-which by the way is very, very pink-a complete different tradition for our family since DJ passed away--which is in another blog from the past somewhere in my list of posted blogs-Anyway-- I was looking at our Christmas tree and under it I put a book titled "The First Christmas."  The book is the story of Christ's birth.  I looked at it and paused for just a second and thought to myself "Do I really believe that?"  Life is really tough right now as it is for many of you-finances are a struggle, businesses are down, grief is always somewhere on the threshold of my familie's life and today I challenged myself to see if I still truly believed in Christ. 

     If any of you are wondering, the answer was and is "YES, absolutely!!"  But I have to say honestly that after DJ passed away it would have been pretty easy for me to walk away from the Lord.  So many questions that I will never get the answer to until I see Jesus and DJ face to face in heaven...
  • Where were you God when DJ fell down? You could have kept him safe!
  • Why didn't you protect DJ when he was skateboarding? I have prayed for his safety his whole life, weren't you listening to me?  Where were your angels?
  • Why didn't you answer my prayers to save his life? Do you care about him or me?
  • Why didn't you heal DJ God? You heal others.
  • Why did our family have to lose DJ? Why did you pick him?
  • Why did Jake and Emilee have to lose a brother?  He was the glue and You took him!
  • Why did we have to have this horrible journey in life? You could have picked someone else!
  • Why, why, why?
    My questions remain unanswered but God didn't leave my side and I haven't left Him.  I needed Him every second, every day after DJ passed away.  I know that I would not be standing today if it weren't for Christ.  I know that without Him I would not still be married-the loss of a child is a heavy burden on any marriage.  I know that I believe in Christ, I know that I believe he died for my sins and I know that  I will see DJ in heaven again.

     I am not preaching to any of you, I am not trying to get you to believe what I believe.  But I know I had to stand firm on what I believed to stand firm after DJ passed away!

     What do you believe in?  What has kept you going?  What has kept you standing?  Have you forgotten what you believed in before your child died?  Have you quit holding on to what holds you up?  Today I am challenging you--get back to what you believed, get back to what gave you strength.  We all need to keep standing up after our child passes away whether we want to or not!  We need to stand strong for our remaining living children, for our spouses, for ourselves. Our children would not want us falling down, we owe it to them to honor them with our lives now.  Get back to your belief, get back to being strong even though you may not want to be.  What do you believe? 



  1. I am only vertical because of God. My daughter has been gone since Aug. 20,12, not very long. Her birthday is in April and I will have a VERY hard time with it. I knew two things God would either send her home with us to live out her life, get married have kids and be my daughter for as long as I lived or He would heal her completely and take her home. He healed her completely. She is with Him. All I want is to know that she knows how much I loved her-her father told her from the time she was little, that I didn't love her because she was female and I didn't want any competition, I didn't love her or her brothers because I worked long hours to avoid them. Truth was: he refused to work and there was NO truth to not wanting a daughter. I prayed for a daughter when all he wanted was a son to be named after him and be exactly like him...I hope not exactly like him.
    I have anxiety attacks, crying jags, painful memories and all over bad times right now, but I know like from the poem Footprints, He is carrying me through this time. I know some day the pain of this will get less, but right now it really hurts.

  2. Thank you for sharing your story of losing a child. May God remove the pain and hurt you feel.