Saturday, November 5, 2011

Today I got slammed

     I had my book writing club to go to today.  As I got into my car to leave the radio was on a Christian radio station.  I heard a woman speaking about comparing "something" to the loss of her right arm.  I knew without a doubt almost instantly she was talking about the loss of a child.  As I was listening she was stating almost the exact same thing I have said before....The loss of a child is like the loss of a limb.  You can learn to live without it everyday but you miss it everyday.  As the program continued I became aware that she had lost a child almost 15 years earlier and she used almost the same exact words I have to explain the loss.  I was really struck by this fact that she too explained it the same way.  As the programming continued yet another woman came on to talk about the loss of her daughter.  Half way through the drive to the writing club I was a wreck. 

     Eventually I gathered myself together well enough to go to the group without anyone noticing the tears I had during the drive.  As I entered the coffee shop where we were to meet I recognized the cashier.  I wasn't certain where I had seen her before but was very much aware that I knew her somehow.  As I placed my order for coffee and a roll I asked her how I knew her.  She told me she had gone to Rumsey Station elementary school, I asked her how old she was and upon that I knew how I knew her.  She had gone to school with DJ, same age, same grade, same school. 

     So "Okay God, why are you putting all this is in my path today?"  I have often talked to you all about being aware of triggers but here I was minding my own business and got his twice in a row and hard.  I felt like I had been hit by a 2 by 4, cold on, square and hard.  Why did God put all this in my path today? I have no idea. 

Why did any of us lose our precious children?  I don't know
Why do any of us have to endure this world and it's pain?  I don't know
Why do we have so much fall out after we lose a child?  I don't know
Why does this grief live on so long? Because we loved and still love our children so much.

I don't have the answers today, I only know I lost my precious son and the world reminded me of it yet again today when I wasn't even looking---Be careful out there dearest friends


  1. Isn't is amazing how we can suddenly experience the "blow" from unexpected places at unexpected times.

    The other day a crop duster plane flew by our house. I immediately wanted to tell my son (he died 25 years ago). It was so overwhelming, I cried. I never cry. I remember the first day as a preschooler when I took him to watch a crop duster treat our wheat. He was so excited he laughed and laughed and clapped his hands. I wrote about it in a post on my blog. It just took me by surprise. It's been 25 years and there are still those surprise reminders.