Where does the glow go?

My husband has told me that he has a picture of me at his work where I am glowing. My eyes, my smile, my face is glowing. He's told me that it is his favorite picture. This picture was taken before DJ passed away and all the family is together. We are all happy and glowing.

When you are happy there is often a glow that appears that you aren't even aware of until it is gone. Since DJ's death he says that the glow has been gone, he is not complaining about it, he is just commenting on it.

This week he told me the glow was back, he could see it again. He knew there was something different about me but he couldn't figure it out right away, it is the glow.

Did I know the glow was back? No. Did I know it was gone? No. Do I have any advice on getting it back? No.

Having the glow back results in many questions though. Do I miss DJ less now because I have the "glow"? No. Am I less sad now? Somedays yes, somedays no. Do I have guilt because I now have the glow? No. So many questions from such a small thing.

Embrace the glow if you get it back, don't feel guilty if it comes back. Don't feel guilty if it doesn't come back--it took 4 years for mine to return and it might evaporate again, who knows. Remember your child, love your child and move one day at a time, live one day at a time, one second at a time if necessary. Just live.